Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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