They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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