you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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