I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you had me at cake vodka
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
