Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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