On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
