I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
