We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He shit in the fireplace
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
