so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
