if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
