**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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