so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Boobs are out for the taking
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
