Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
