Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
