the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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