There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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