The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
