my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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