apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
