I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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