This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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