I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
