ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
