I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
