i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
