I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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