Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
