what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
