I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
