my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
