Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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