if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
