In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
