wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
