Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
