We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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