margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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