Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
