So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
