Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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