My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
