If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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