my vag is so smooth its legendary
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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