Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
