Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
