He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
