I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
