I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
