If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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