I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
