I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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