There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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