Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
