a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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