I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was like eating out sand paper
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
