so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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