You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
