i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
