i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
worst night to have a conscience
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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