I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
