i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
