Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
