You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
