I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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