shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
